Film Review #11

            Countless memories of Arnold Schwarzenegger films caused me to take a gamble on watching the 2011 reboot of Conan the Barbarian. Jason Momoa plays the title character along with a cast that includes Rachel Nichols, Rose McGowan, Stephen Lang, Ron Perlman, and Bob Sapp. Marcus Nispel directed the action-adventure film. In the end, Conan simply lacked substance. I went into this film thinking it was going to be awesome. After all what movie where Morgan Freeman narrates, isn’t? This one apparently!

            This plot is modest. As a boy Conan’s entire village is destroyed by Khalar Zym (Lang) and his band of ruthless killers. Zym is attempting to reunite the pieces of the Mask of Acheron, a powerful relic that can bring back his dead wife and allow him to conquer the known world. Years pass and Conan has turned into a mountain of a man. He has traveled the world slaying beasts, freeing captives, and defying death. Remarkable tales exist about his adventures. Zym along with his daughter Marique (McGowan) need only one more thing to accomplish their dastardly plans: they must find the pure-blood descendant of the sorcerers of Acheron. By happenstance, Conan finds the pure-blood first. Her name is Tamara (Nichols) and by finding her the stage is set for a definitive encounter between Zym and Conan.

            While none of the actors in this film are terrible there are zero defining moments. The script never allows Jason Momoa to display any depth to his character. The child actor playing Conan has a better role in my opinion- Ron Perlman lucks out because that’s the only time he is in the movie. As an adult Conan is only presented as a sword swinging, blood spilling, slave-freeing barbarian who happens to have a predisposition for performing good deeds. Rose McGowan and Stephen Lang have a very incestuous energy on camera but the dialogue is weak. In my opinion, the actors are not left with much to portray because the writers have every character in tunnel vision mode. While I did not have very high expectations coming into the movie, even my low expectations were not met.

            Special effects were important in this film. While they were not fantastic or groundbreaking they were more than acceptable; the film had a budget of $90 million dollars. Unquestionably Conan had some very cool action scenes. But well-choreographed fight scenes mixed with blood and gore can’t save a film that has no dimension for its characters. The music was correctly placed and added to the sense of awe and adventure when it was introduced. The YouTube trailer I've attached should support the opinions expressed in this paragraph.

Hasta La Vista Baby

            Honestly, I would not tell my readers to view Conan the Barbarian. It suffers from poor dialogue, tunnel vision, and a lack of character dimension. In my opinion, the best part of this film is the first 20 minutes. After that, you are whisked away on an adventure that’s not very memorable. To make matters worse. There wasn't even a giant snake in the film! Conan should almost always fight a giant snake…. because that’s cool.

3 out of 10